quote
follow
The following is a rare little gem found on the internet.
* * *
Welcome to the world! The countdown to your death has begun.
You’re here because your loving parents decided that having a child would make their lives better.
Ain’t that selfless of them?
Now, I know what you’re thinking: I didn’t ask to be born! What the hell, man?
I hear you. But you know what? Don’t even worry about it. Life is a gift!
Just you wait and see.
Congratulations! You made it to the age of five! Now it’s time to go to school.
There you’ll have the shackles of ignorance cast off, and the gates of wisdom flung open before you!
Well, that’s how we like to package it.
In reality you’ll spend the next 15-20 years undergoing rigorous conditioning and social engineering.
I know, sounds bleak.
But just obey the rules, comply and conform, and you’ll get a gold star! You want a gold star, don’t you?
As part of your indoctrination education, you’ll also be pumped with essential information.
Only the things you’ll need later on.
Like knowing the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell. (That comes in real handy, trust me!)
We don’t bother with the unimportant stuff, like personal finance.
No sir, only the essentials.
Once your programming is complete, you’ll be good and ready for the next stage: Work.
That’s right, kid! Aren’t you glad to be alive?
So you’ve been given the gift of life. Now it’s time to get to work!
Here you’ll help other people get rich while you watch yourself slowly die.
Getting a job is a piece of cake. All you need is a degree and at least 5 years’ experience.
Oh, and you have to personally know someone who’s hiring. Nothing to it!
Once you get a job then the real fun begins.
From there on out you’ll wake and dress, drive to work, toil for 8 hours, then go home and flop into bed!
Every few weeks you’ll collect a cheque that the government scrapes its share from.
And the rest you’ll pay in bills! But that’s okay, hard work is its own reward!
Yep! Ain’t life grand?
Now some people might say you’re no better than a slave. But that’s just not true!
You’re not a slave! No. You’re providing services in exchange for money.
So more like a prostitute when you think about it!
Anyhow, if you don’t like it, you’re always free to quit and sleep in the park!
Now, there’s no need to get upset. You only have to ransom yourself for the next 50 years.
And when you’re no longer of use you’ll be ready for the next and final stage…
But until then, back to it! Your boss wants another yacht, and it’s not gonna pay for itself!
Well, here we are! I know, it’s sad. And I’d cry for you if I could.
But turn that frown upside-down! It’s not all doom and gloom!
There are still a few drops at the bottom of the tank, and we’ve decided that they’re yours.
After all, you’ve worked your life away. It’s only fair you enjoy the leftovers!
So kick back, relax! Taste the freedom before you go!
After that there’s not much left to do.
Your health will rapidly decline. There’ll be a flurry of doctor’s appointments and blood tests.
And then you’ll die! Drooling and choking for air in a hospital bed!
Not real pretty, I know. But it’s what you were born to do.
Anyway, thanks for stopping by! Hope you had fun!
* * *
source: https://www.reddit.com/r/SanctionedSuicide/comments/46ighw/the_official_introductory_guide_to_life/
More posts from this category: Just some notes one night in KievFinally redesigned my blog (again)
raul
|
07-03-2016
Dear Irina,
As usual this post is very enlightening. All the stages in life laid out. "Wonderful". Please take care of yourself there. Raul |
Irina |
12-03-2016
Hi Raul, You take care of yourself too, heard there was a flood where you live. Damn. |
Brian W.
|
08-03-2016
Irina,
Nice Are you on Reddit? |
Irina |
12-03-2016
Hey, Brian Nope, just stole it from a stealer, while on Facebook. I'm hardly anywhere, really, not very social))) |
Dick O'Brick
|
09-03-2016
Missing from this list is the all important Stage 3a: Parsley Deficiency.
People lacking an adequate consumption of this plant in their diet can quickly find themselves having to rely on artificial aids in order to see properly. This isn't really an ‌inconvenience for the spectacles wearers themselves insomuch as it is for others gazing upon them. I give by way of example: In the above photograph we have the specimen known in Latin as Uriupina Yumyumicus. ... And here we can see a small sample of our test group's reactions when confronted with her unexpected visage: So, ladies and gentlemen, the evidence is overwhelmingly clear; glasses-wearing-Rinkas can cause hearts to race, eyes to pop and hormones to sky rocket. Please take extra care when driving, as so far we have four independent reports of road fatalities associated with this woman and her selfish sexiness. N.B. Other than being momentarily stunned, no cats were harmed during the experiment. ... One dog did receive a concussion however. |
Irina |
12-03-2016
Hilarious pics and commentary)) Thanks You should work for The Onion. |
RaГєl
|
13-03-2016
Irina,
Thank you. IВґm not near the river areas but not far from there either. This is all linked to the El NiГ±o phenomenon, I heard. Many people have been living in these flooded areas in Asuncion, almost 100,000 people. The thing is that the succesive governments did not care about this issue and not the situation got worse. The government set up shelters for some time and many went back to their homes because in January and February there was not much rain. But we had an extremely hot weather with temperatures between 45 and 50 degrees Celsius. We have never had this hot weather. I heard some experts that this is also have to do with the destruction of the forests. And now Paraguay has a severe outburst of dengue, zika and chikunguya fever. This is not new with dengue fever but now is much worse. I myself got dengue fever at the end of January. Now the Ministry of Health reports the first case of pregnant woman with the zika virus. The thing is that the experts are asking women not to get pregnant until the outburst is receding. If humans reproduce regardless of wars, famines, plagues or diseases like Ebola, earthquakes, tsunamis,etc,etc. who is going to pay attention to this request from the Paraguayan Ministry of Health? Take care. Raul |
Irina |
13-03-2016
45 and 50 C that's HOT! We've been having close to 40 here in Ukraine sometimes, it might even feel worse than the same degrees in a more humid climate. In Thailand, even in Bangkok which is a busy crowded city the heat seemed less aggressive than in Kyiv. Might be holiday mood though, but I think patrly, high humidity makes all the difference. Or maybe it's subjective... So once you've had Dengue, you shoudn't get sick with it ever again I heard. So at least that's done for you, right? Zika is now also reported to be damaging to an adult person's brain, although I gather that's still tentative data http://www.australianetworknews.com/zika-virus-linked-brain-infection/ So could we all turn into dumb zombies one day?? Not that we're particularly bright as it is, lol. You're right, nothing's going to stop the majority of people who want to reproduce. Having children has always been a risky, gambling kind of a thing to do, nobody's ever set a threshold what amount of risk is unacceptable. Risk of a genetic disorder, of a deformity, birthing kids into wars and famines - we've done it all. Why would we stop now? |
theMeme
|
13-03-2016
Well I hope, that Stage 4 (Death) is really the end of the story...See, I have this intuitive, (but i have to admit) irrational fear that things may be metaphysically even more worse, as they seem to be: What if we truly live in the Matrix, inside a mad machinery that mindlessly bubbles out existence, simulated particles and space-time. And if someone gets fed up with its own existence, kills himself, hoping for salvation in not-existing... no such luck, the Matrix just creates a new instance of that person, maybe in an alternative reality, probably derived of his former memories, and the nightmare just continues. One bad dream just follows the next one. Forever trapped in existence. Or maybe we are dream-figures in an (obviously) deranged super-conscious, an absurd weird lunatic fantasy, dreamed up by a kind of eternal psychopathic void...and this void, bored in its eternal existence, just dreams up playing stupid sado-machoistic games with itself in all eternity..nightmare after nightmare after nightmare...and this void forgot that its dreaming, taking it's nightmares for real..
But that's just crazy talk..At least I hope so. I hope that my intuition is wrong, and it's all just fantasy born out of a neurotic mind with to much imagination..or is it..? |
Irina |
13-03-2016
lol I've heard similar fears voiced before, I can't say I'm totally sure there's just non-existence beyond this (emotionally). Rationally I'm rather sure. I think it was Slavoj ЕЅiЕѕek who said his worst fear was 'waking up after I'm dead'. I agree, that's freaking dreadful. |
theMeme
|
13-03-2016
Ah well, ЕЅiЕѕek. There are not many things were I could agree with him (often lacks of substance, to much made up post-modernist obscurantism..) But here I can understand him: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hg7qdowoemo
|
Irina |
13-03-2016
I'm not keen on him either. But he has a thorough toilet architecture analysis |
theMeme
|
13-03-2016
Hehe, I already knew that one. At least he's entertaining, gonna give him that. Or at least when he's not romanizing and justifying Stalinism...well, that's just bizarre. But ok, I still don't get what his exact position is on that, but what I get is that he's very fascinated with it, and not in a negative way. Who can tell whats going on in the minds of these Marxist Comrades..Even worse that he is also pretty much a Hegelian, which remindes me of what Schopenhauer wrote about Hegel: "But the height of audacity in serving up pure nonsense, in stringing together senseless and extravagant mazes of words, such as had previously been known only in madhouses, was finally reached in Hegel, and became the instrument of the most barefaced general mystification that has ever taken place, with a result which will appear fabulous to posterity, and will remain as a monument to German stupidity." And also not bad: "Hegel, installed from above, by the powers that be, as the certified Great Philosopher, was a flat-headed, insipid, nauseating, illiterate charlatan who reached the pinnacle of audacity in scribbling together and dishing up the craziest mystifying nonsense. This nonsense has been noisily proclaimed as immortal wisdom by mercenary followers and readily accepted as such by all fools, who thus joined into as perfect a chorus of admiration as had ever been heard before."
Makes me wonder, what Schopy would have said about ЕЅiЕѕek... |
Irina |
14-03-2016
Haha. I gotta admit I've never read any Hegel but what you're describing him to be - even through Schopenhauer's words - reminds me of this particularly good website that I think could be dedicated to so many people who are keen on precisely "stringing together senseless and extravagant mazes of words" Cooking word salads))) |
Kirk
|
14-03-2016
That Chopra site is funny, he has made so much money off of gullible people that won't or can't think.
One of my fave philosophers is Jack Handey. Here is a page of some of his quotes… http://www.quotes.net/authors/Jack+Handey+Deep+Thoughts |
Now why anyone would want to participate in such a scheme often baffles me to no end. Life addiction may keep you here, but it really shouldn't make you inflict it on someone else.