This quite popular email has been forwarded many times and posted on quite a few websites, I imagine. I've just found it in my inbox myself. Usually, I don't like copy-pasting somebody else's content, but in view of its sheer brilliance, I'm compelled to post it on my blog, just like many others have. So, here it is:
Owning A Canadian
On her radio show, Dr Laura Schlesinger said that, as an observant Orthodox Jew, homosexuality is an abomination according to Leviticus 18:22, and cannot be condoned under any circumstance.
The following response is an open letter to Dr. Laura, written by a U.S. man, and posted on the Internet. It's funny, as well as informative:
Dear Dr. Laura:
Thank you for doing so much to educate people regarding God's Law. I have learned a great deal from your show, and try to share that knowledge with as many people as I can. When someone tries to defend the homosexual lifestyle, for example, I simply remind them that Leviticus 18:22 clearly states it to be an abomination ... End of debate.
I do need some advice from you, however, regarding some other elements of God's Laws and how to follow them.
1. Leviticus 25:44 states that I may possess slaves, both male and female, provided they are from neighboring nations. A friend of mine claims that this applies to Mexicans, but not Canadians.
Can you clarify? Why can't I own Canadians?
2. I would like to sell my daughter into slavery, as sanctioned in Exodus 21:7. In this day and age, what do you think would be a fair price for her?
3. I know that I am allowed no contact with a woman while she is in her period of Menstrual uncleanliness - Lev.15: 19-24. The problem is how do I tell? I have tried asking, but most women take
4. When I burn a bull on the altar as a sacrifice, I know it creates a pleasing odor for the Lord - Lev.1:9. The problem is my neighbors.....They claim the odor is not pleasing to them. Should I smite them?
5. I have a neighbor who insists on working on the Sabbath. Exodus 35:2 clearly states he should be put to death. Am I morally obligated to kill him myself, or should I ask the police to do it?
6. A friend of mine feels that even though eating shellfish is an abomination, Lev. 11:10, it is a lesser abomination than homosexuality. I don't agree. Can you settle this? Are there 'degrees' of abomination?
7. Lev. 21:20 states that I may not approach the altar of God if I have a defect in my sight. I have to admit that I wear reading glasses. Does my vision have to be 20/20, or is there some wiggle-room here?
8. Most of my male friends get their hair trimmed, including the hair around their temples, even though this is expressly forbidden by Lev. 19:27. How should they die?
9. I know from Lev. 11:6-8 that touching the skin of a dead pig makes me unclean, but may I still play football if I wear gloves?
10. My uncle has a farm. He violates Lev.19:19 by planting two different crops in the same field, as does his wife by wearing garments made of two different kinds of thread (cotton/polyester blend).
He also tends to curse and blaspheme a lot. Is it really necessary that we go to all the trouble of getting the whole town together to stone them? Lev.24:10-16. Couldn't we just burn them to death at a private family affair, like we do with people who sleep with their in-laws? (Lev. 20:14)
I know you have studied these things extensively and thus enjoy considerable expertise in such matters, so I'm confident you can help.
Thank you again for reminding us that God's word is eternal and unchanging.
Your adoring fan,
James M. Kauffman, Ed.D. Professor Emeritus,
Dept. Of Curriculum, Instruction, and Special Education
University of Virginia
P.S. It would be a damn shame if we couldn't own a Canadian.
More posts from this category: Pseudoscience. Astrology, physiognomy, numerology...The ultimate problem with free will
This is a question of Bible's inerrancy. Some claim it is a word of God start to finish, some say it has human errors in there.
The thing is, if we acknowledge that Bible isn't complete and inerrant, we can no longer use it as an authoritative book, then we treat it like any other book written by humans. Then no one should be saying 'because Bible says so' without providing any additional arguments to support his position. Because no one knows for sure which parts of Bible are 'inspired by Holy Spirit' and which are reflective of its many writers and editors charachters.
By all means, take the best of any book. Problem starts when you're waving your book in front of your fellow countryman and saying he can't marry his friend because your book says so. (i dodn't mean you personally)
Unfortunetely, I don't know much of Quran to offer substantial criticism. Reading it is a low priority so far, but some day I hope to make time for Islam and Judaism.
I have every reason to bash Christianity because it is prevalent in my country and I know quite a bit about it, being an ex believer myself, having read New Testament several times and listened to lots of preachers.
I think its time to grow out of religion in general. As long as we're picking and choosing which verses of the books make sense and apply today, might as well acknowledge we are the ones making the moral decisions, we use our own wit and moral feeling to determine whats right in the Bible and what isnt.
I haven't studied or lived abroad.
In Ukraine it's the totally different perception of religion's place in life and what it is 'to believe'. The vast majority calls themselves believers simply because they 'believe a God exists' and that God is most likely a Christian God. They don't go to church (maybe once a year on xmas).
Religion is considered private here. People don't ask each other what their religious beliefs are, friends can not touch this topic for years I guess. And that's why we don't have a strong atheist movement here either. As long as church stays out of politics it's fine, nobody minds it being there. There are no prayers in schools, religion is hardly ever mentioned by politicians. Sometimes, of course, we have some religious nuts crawling out and trying to impose their fairy-tale based values on the society, i.e. ban abortions, but that - thank Flying Spaghetti Monster - hasn't been getting much support.