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This is what was shared on Facebook today.
Yeah right. Everybody's beautiful. Like everybody's special. That's how words lose their meaning. Mothers around the globe started writing to her? Sure. But if you ask men if they sincerely find flabby, stretch marked bellies gorgeous guess what they'll say. Of course, everyone should love themselves despite the looks, and the closest people who love us will also - more often than not - accept us with our flaws.
But to try and dismantle the whole concept of flaws and claim that every possible state of human body is equally attractive is actually disingenuous. Everybody isn't equally smart, or beautiful. The world isn't fair. Decisions have their outcomes, everything has it's price. Deal with it. You can't have it all. Choose wisely what your priorities are. Having biological children or preserving shape and skin tonus. Some get lucky and manage both, but great many do not.
Now if we could just deny the fact that a flat smooth-skinned stomach looks way better than a hanging sack with stretch marks that'd make a lot of women feel better. Perhaps! But that would simply be a lie!
Just like unrealistic Barbie doll's proportions and somewhat disturbing anorexic runway models, this opposite trend of 'lets now call everyone beautiful! come, Cindy, shake your cellulite for us' is extreme.
Similarly to this, I've seen a photo collage on Facebook not so long ago, it had 2 pictures of the same ladies in their youth and in old age. On both they were smiling and in a good mood. Which is great. Except on the later picture the ladies were heavily wrinkled and missing a few teeth. Yet the text read "still equally beautiful" or something like that. And I was just thinking to myself: "what a load of crap!" Well-dressed smiling old ladies can look cute. With a stretch, I guess, one could say, they could look charming...maybe...if they have teeth...
But beautiful? Female faces riddled with deep wrinkes? Toothless mouths? Unless you are some gerontofiliac I don't see how that can look appealing.
these are not equally beautiful and you know they're not.
You can go into all that relativity debate and claim beauty standards vary and they change and you'd have a point. However, if we take majority's preferance they don't vary all that much. Tastes also differ for scents, we prefer different perfumes and such, but to say that on the bases of that every scent is nice would be an obvious mistake. There are extremes on every continuum, and while somewhere in the middle there are differences, which would make rose's scent pretty much equal to ... say.. pine scent, nobody would say that the smell of rotten eggs is just as good because it's also natural and tastes differ. Not that much they don't.
"Old age - it's just mean. I think it is the ignorance of god, when he allows people to survive to old age." ~ Faina Ranevskaya
It is regrettable, but people do lose their beauty, their health and their intellectual capacities with age. In the end, they lose life itself. This is tragic. Quit trying to run away from reality. This is not 'Pleasantville'.
More posts from this category: Hooked on breedingMissing out while not existing
Irina |
11-06-2014
your insights might feel rough for women dealing with post-pregnancy body issues. If I'd be let's say your now-mother-former-school-comrade I might feel like you're rubbing your physical superiority in my face. ;-) Yes I know but what you gotta do... I'm not the one who started this 'in your face' thing. As I mentioned, there seems to be some new 'fashion' going on with people choosing to overcome their issues by showing their ugliest parts to the world and saying 'here, it's not a real problem is it? if you say it is you're a nazi who stands in the way of peoples struggle to love themselves the way they are'. By all means love and accept yourself, but other people don't owe you unconditional love, that's your parents job. That's what I mean is never beautiful. It's almost puke level of repulsion. It's a mutilated body that's what it is. And women need to be shown this perhaps in articles about what giving birth may to cost your body. But that's not 'also beautiful' or 'equally beautiful'. If you hide your flaws you may still look beautiful, you may have the most beautiful personality, be the best mother there is, but the fact will remain that your belly doesn't look so beautiful. And that is your problem to either accept or try and fix this, but it's not the job of the world to try and love you with your flaws. Did you hear there's a debate now whether to allow photoshopped images in magazines? Should be realistic they say! I can understand the fight against Barbie, the kids toy. Their impressionable minds may not be able to tell the difference between the artistic presentation of a human form and the reality. But that grown ups can't understand that retouched posters in magazines are just like art: exxagerated, unrealistic and meant to impress not inform of reality?? Are we that dumb? Yes, some people remain quite beautiful in old age. And do you know when? When they acquire least symptoms of it. Only when in their 80 they look like 40-50 do they look attractive. When people can afford plastc surgery they can look beautiful in 80. The common attributes of deep old age, however, don't make people beautiful. Might make them look funny or wise but not beautiful. p.s. yes, I'm fine.) |
nothingness
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11-06-2014
very good.. have you improved?
but i would like to point peoples in different cultures eat rotten eggs. |
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11-06-2014
Agreed on all accounts. I would just like to reiterate that men can't choose to be attracted to what they are not attracted too. This is not some bullshit-patriarchy-conspiracy where men are trying to make woman feel bad about their bodies. Not only are we wired to feel attracted to certain things, there's a good evolutionary reasoning behind it as well. Smooth skin is an indirect representation of fertility. Men will always prefer smooth skin to mutilated skin, the same way a woman will always prefer a muscular men ( but not overly muscular) to a fat one because muscle and low body fat on a man are indirect representations of high testosterone.
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Irina |
12-06-2014
Absolutely. Our perception of what is attractive and what isn't is largely shaped by evolution. Not fashion, of course, but the most basic leanings. Smooth skin is an indirect representation of fertility. Yes, and health, and that's why even women don't find stretch marks nice, if they're honest with themselves, of course. the same way a woman will always prefer a muscular men ( but not overly muscular) to a fat one Yeah, btw, I don't mention men here only because I haven't seen them involved in this 'love me as I am' campaign. Maybe because they were already relaxed and thinking themselves devilishly handsome anyway
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Reimund
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12-06-2014
Irina - I'm a little afraid that one day another women is gonna come up to you and punch you in the face. Not 'cause you're wrong, but 'cause you're right. She's gonna justify her punch by saying "Irina had it coming. Just look at her blog." So, as a protector of yours, in hopes of improving your chance of getting through the day without being attacked, here are some rhetorical alternatives: Instead of "puke level of repulsion" you could just say "celibacy-inducing". Instead of "mutilated body" you could write "a body ready to improve the economic situation of cosmetic surgeons" and instead of "ugliest parts" you could write "body parts most receptive to photoshopping." But on a serious side note: Did someone actually call you a nazi? Maybe people should know that the nazis were pro-natalists (at least when it came to what they called "Aryans"): http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lebensborn Greetz to Kiev p.s.: I wrote you an e-mail some weeks ago regarding your desired way of communication, but you never answered. Didn't you get it or do you simply prefer your blog to e-mails? |
Irina |
12-06-2014
I'm a little afraid that one day another women is gonna come up to you and punch you in the face. Not 'cause you're wrong, but 'cause you're right. And that's going to be one of those women who argues that her children should get a grip and accept life's limitations and appreciate what they have instead of whining about what they want but can't get. Tough luck! Suck it up! Isn't that what parents like to teach their kids? Well they should lead by example. I have Immanuel Kant's famous quote for those kind of people: So, as a protector of yours That's new. I didn't know I had protectors. In fact, these recent events in Ukraine highlighted how unrotected I really am and how that's my own problem. With a few pleasant exceptions, though. p.s. i never answered because your suggestion was unrealistic and suspicious. I prefer people to comment on my blog (if they find what I write about interesting). I am also free on Fridays so people can ask me out for coffee if they come to Kiev. Once in a long while I will answer personal emails. That's it. No other ways of communication are possible. |
Roger
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13-06-2014
It's an unfortunate fact that there never seems to be any shortage of people ready to blindly embrace all manner of absurd trends.It doesn't improve matters to be living at a time when there are vanishingly few voices who dare to oppose the general atmosphere of indifference to the sacrifice of so many human values on the altar of profit.All be it (as in this instance) thinly disguised behind some vague notion of it being for the greater good of society:Where have i heard that excuse before! |
Reimund
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13-06-2014
Haha I gotta admit: You are giving me a smile thinking about the facial expression of your "attacker" once you rhetorically beat her with her own words.
But seriously: Besides your critique - I think sites like "Shape Of A Mother" do offer a service that might be valuable: They show potential mothers the consequences that might happen if they choose pregnancy. Otherweise it might be similar to buying something in a store without knowing its price. "SOAM" shows you (a part of) the price and for that helps to make a better-informed decision. Greets Reimund p.s.: We seem to have different views of "unrealistic": I more or less regularly have guest-speakers in my lectures. Unless there is some fact I am not informed about (maybe a dislike against speaking in front of large audiences or some problems with the visa for Non-EU-citizens), I honestly don't see why it's unrealistic. Don't take this as a personal attack please, I just don't get what the problem is/was. |
Irina |
16-06-2014
"SOAM" shows you (a part of) the price and for that helps to make a better-informed decision. Amen to that. Andhang those pics in gynecologist offices where women go routinely for checkups. I wasn't shown anything of the sort when I was considering pregnancy an isn't it sort of a 'biggie'? Doesn't a woman have a right to know what's likely to happen to her body? Freaking natalist conspiracy no less! My view of unrealistic is that of going to another country on some strange internet fellow's invitation. I don't think women who find such ideas realistic get through their lives in one piece very often. You wouldn't go to Ukraine for safety concerns. I can't bring a gun with me so... not planning on a risky meetings abroad)))) |
Dick O'Brick
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13-06-2014
A (Crap) Poem For Rina by a lust ridden fan.
"I love Rina and her sulky face, I wanna make a move on her, But she'd spray me with mace. She's smart and sexy and very scary too, Never piss her off, Or expect your pants to poo. If I lived in Kiev I'd stalk her every day, Take illicit photographs, And bring her gifts of clay. Some like Inmendham and others Antibullshitman, All I want's Irina, Not some fucking ugly man. The most perfect model and cat loving antinatalist, Must supply her with vodka, I think I may stand a chance if I get her really pissed. Maybe all I am is a big dumb dreamer, But can I help it, If I adore Miss Uriupina?" |
Irina |
13-06-2014
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Dick O'Brick
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13-06-2014
Ha ha ha! At least you didn't accuse me of having the poetic talent of a retarded 5 year old. Plus I got a picture too, so as far as I'm concerned this is a a win-win.
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Irina |
13-06-2014
...it's Friday the 13th, should've used this one: Like from Hitchcock's horror movie))) no, it was weird but fun |
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15-06-2014
Post-pregnancy women look disgusting, sorry but it's the truth.
http://theshapeofamother.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/100711-anber-1.jpg http://theshapeofamother.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/100511-amy-1.jpg http://theshapeofamother.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/05/052209-tabitha-6.jpg http://theshapeofamother.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/02/021209-tripletmom-97.jpg Here's the thing though, they are ugly both inside AND out. Mothers are selfish assholes who believe that their mother-status entitles them to everyone's attention, work time, nannying time, etc. Fuck mothers, fuck fathers. (well maybe not, since fucking is what made them what they are... lol) |
Irina |
17-06-2014
I don't even dare opening all those links. Mothers are selfish assholes who believe that their mother-status entitles them to everyone's attention, work time, nannying time, etc. That's the message our culture propagates. Motherhood is sacred no less. Fuck mothers, fuck fathers. Except some adoptive parents. They are the ones who really love children, not exclusively those carrying their own genes. They become parents to those who already need a loving home and will suffer if they don't get one, instead of creating someone new who doesn't have any needs yet. |
Interesting thoughts there, though I gotta admit your insights might feel rough for women dealing with post-pregnancy body issues. If I'd be let's say your now-mother-former-school-comrade I might feel like you're rubbing your physical superiority in my face.
But on a serious side note - here's some critique to what you're writing:
1st: Though in general I agree with you, you seem to mix up different concepts (beauty vs. attractiveness). The oldest working model Carmen Dell'Orefice (over 80) is quite an example for this: As an over-80-woman she might not have attractiveness anymore, but she quite definitely has beauty (just google her pictures if you like).
2nd: Your article more or less implies that there is some form of a "universal beauty". I guess I agree with that, but it's worth mentioning that what appears beautiful, nice, attractive (and so on) to us can be stretched quite far - farer than your roses-and-pines-example implies. To continue your egg-example, just take a look at this: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Century_egg
Greetz from Hamburg
p.s.: I hope you're fine, I'm still worried about you.