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Time... When you finally find the courage to act, there may be no more of it left.
This is my translation of this 'demotivator' - that's how they're called on the net - from Russian.
Actually, this thing may be called a motivator. If the viewer is an individual who still has time to act and make something important happen. This picture might just inspire that someone to overcome their fears.
Also, they say it's always better to regret something you have done, than to regret something you haven't done. I guess this is true in 95% of the cases.
The truth is, you are going to have regrets in life. It comes in a package. You - as an author, as an ultimate observer and evaluator of events in your life - can impact the amount of regrets. You can choose to learn to let things go and focus on present and future, or you can choose to cling to the past and torture yourself over missed opportunities and wrong moves.
Theres a good quote often attributed to Soren Kierkegaard.
Goes as an answer to young man's question of whether to get married or not. It says 'If you marry you will regret it. If you do not marry you will regret it.'
This is true for many important decisions in our lives. We often have to give up something in order to get something else. Trade offs. Choices. Decisions.
Life is an ongoing process of choosing between safety (out of fear and need for defense) and risk (for the sake of progress and growth). Make the growth choice a dozen times a day." (Abraham H. Maslow)
Some are so terrified of the possible regrets and the weight of responsibility, they prefer to delegate their right of making important decisions to someone else. Psychologists often witness this desire to be relieved of responsibility as they meet another client who just wants to be told what to do: 'just tell me if I should [get married/leave my husband/quit the job/tell the truth to my friend]'...
The thing is, we often know what the right decision is. We're just afraid the decision will not produce perfect results, not everyone will be happy about it, that someone will judge us, that the plan will not turn out great, bluh, bluh, bluh...
Sometimes the search for the right answer costs more than any mistake. (Way of Vantala)
I totally support taking into account other people, the ramification for yourself and others of all the available courses of actions. I think we should try and avoid harming others as best we can. Sometimes though, there is just no way of doing that without sacrificing your own interests - which - have the same right to exist as anyone else's. For example, me leaving separately from my mother upsets her to some extent. But hey, I'm 27, not 15.
There is no way someone could live a life that would only bring people around them joy and never any troubles, worries or pain. Intentionally or unintentionally, we hurt each other from time to time. I think we just have to learn to forgive easier: to both ourselves and people we meet in life.
Truth is, we always do our best. At any given moment in time we're just trying to take the best possible road based on the information available to us, based on our past experiences.
When someone decides to try and find a perfect solution, perfect way: painless, risk-free, approved by everyone, he or she is going to end up in the dead end, paralized.
Life is full of risks and unexpected twists, it does not only consist of flowers and bird songs. It brings troubles to everybody, in different shapes and forms. Life isn't perfect, people aren't as well, their choices aren't always right - they can't be possibly. But it's important to be able to make those choices, those decisions in life. Because if you do not act authentically, what's the point of your being here at all? The perfectly programmed robot could do a part of making the 'right' moves much better. But if life was given to you, you should use it. Your own way. Not perfect, but yours. And accept the fact that others are merely trying their best to make the right decisions, too. And that they suck at it regularly, just like you!))
"Too many people are thinking of security instead of opportunity. They seem more afraid of life than death." (James F. Byrnes)
I come from the same well-known to everyone place of 'trying to be'. This is when you build your life around trying to live up to someone elses expectation about yourself. Even when we do not register it, there are lots of roles we think we should be playing. The invisible but everpresent net of social norms and expectations.
And I have a confession to make: living beyond that net is so much better. You don't know what living feels like untill you have tried that. The increadible freedom to be whatever you choose. (Not what you think is acceptabe, desirable or suitable for a person of your status/age/looks/whatever) The realization that every day counts - because its a day of your life that is finite and that no one will give back to you, not even people you've decided to 'sacrifice' part of it for.
Turning from an actor into an author of life is, at first, somewhat frightening, but later - rewarding. It takes some courage to live authentically, but the fruits of the decision far outweigh the difficulties.
Life is not about passing exams, its not about making the 'right' decisions. It's about making your own.
Time is free, but it's priceless. You can't own it, but you can use it. You can't keep it, but you can spend it. Once you've lost it you can never get it back. (Harvey MacKay)
More posts from this category: Life sucks and then you die? (a quote)Pessimism, depression and meaning
Irina |
20-03-2012
Regret is part of an honest life with real risks. Sure, just like suferring is a part of this life. When one tries to avoid pain at all costs they will most likely miss out on some great pleasure, too. Same way, one could only avoid mistakes by delegating control over their life to someone (or smth) else: to their parents, spouse or traditions... But then, that act itself may be a big mistake one will come to regret later. Because when you are living your life 'the way you should', deep inside you feel that you're already dead. Thus, depressions, feeling of pointlessness. I think its important to stay true to yourself and demand nothing less from the people close to you. Since we have these lives already, its worth actually being alive, daring to live it precisely the way you want, not the way anyone else expects you to. Well, good luck to you in whatever yu're trying to do. |
Zenner
|
29-01-2013
'Life is not about passing exams, its not about making the 'right' decisions. It's about making your own.'
I like this statement, because I'm almost convinced that each person has their own inner compass. Maybe some day parents and society will realize that people do better, ultimately, when they are left alone to follow their heart/intuition/nature... ...even if some phases are difficult to understand and accept to the outward onlooker. Curiously enough, prior to reading this post, I read the Zen Parables... and my favourite was 'The Nature of Things' (about the two monks and the scorpion in the river). |
Johannes
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04-02-2013
Hi Irina
Today I have come across your blog via a link on your youtube channel. I really like this text here and one other about "existential depression". They resonate with me. Thank you. Johannes |
Personally applicable to me, as I have fallen into that 'net' for the past few years of my life and it has been a dark time, with regret.
I like how you are grounded and realistic about regret. I cannot stand the talking heads that claim they have no regrets. What stupid rhetoric. To be the author means we will make mistakes. Regret is part of an honest life with real risks.
"When someone decides to try and find a perfect solution, perfect way: painless, risk-free, approved by everyone, he or she is going to end up in the dead end, paralized."
I ended up here. It is hard to get out.
I feel like I am just trying to walk free again, so thanks for the inspiration.