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Why do a lot of people (especially women) often exhibit hostility towards those who have chosen not to have kids of their own?
Going through some of the common accusations thrown at childfree women and talking about the pressure from the society to follow the crowd.
Seriously, I'm sorry about that distracting hair twirling during the few seconds in this first part! In a live conversation I tend to gesticulate a lot, sitting still and talking on camera is new to me, so I guess my normal hand gesticulation transferred into this.
I may have missed something while covering the subject. Like the notion that childbearing is the pinnacle of a woman's existence. And instead of trying to refute it I'd first really like to hear the basis for such 'indisputable truth'.
The other thing forgotten is the point that another selfish motive for wanting a baby is the thirst for the unconditional love. Can't make anyone love you unconditionally, some mothers love their kids that way (others do not), but anyway we grow up and the surest way to keep this sort of love flowing is to create a person that is bound to always love you. Aint it wonderful? This is not a bad thing, again, but it just shows one more time that there is nothing selfless in wanting a child.
And the simple most obvious question is 'who does it hurt if a woman chooses not to become mother'? Why is that a bad thing, for whom? It certainly is none of anyones business, so maybe she is hurting an unborn child? So is there some kind of a preborn kingdom where pre-alive children pre-live and they somehow can experience virtual pain from not being born?
Since it does no harm to anybody, I don't see how anyone can justify sticking their noses into other peoples decisions about their own lives.
More posts from this category: Doubts and certainty, opinions and truth (video)Nightly ramblings on life, suffering, death and dying (oh, goodie!) :P
Irina |
02-08-2011
Thank you for leaving the comment, Naycee. Of course, it is possible for people to change their minds. But a lot of people seem to think they know every childfree will. We are all different. I have two girl friends in their 30ties. One says the older you get the more you want kids, the other one - quite the opposite. She is saying that if some years ago she was at least considering having a baby, now she doesn't want children for sure. Thanks for the compliment, too)) |
Pete
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04-08-2011
Indeed. What's worse, they get even more hostile when one declares oneself as an antinatalist, as outlined in David Benatars work "Better Never to Have Been: The Harm of Coming into Existence".
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Irina |
04-08-2011
Hmm... Never heard of this book. Now I will probably check it out. |
ExpatChris
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23-12-2011
I'm one of those people on forums for Child Free. It's a really great place where one can talk freely with others that don't share in the giving it to the conformity of procreation. If you'd like to join in, let me know and I'll give you the info. It would be nice to have you join in on the conversation. We are all a community of intellectuals like yourself.
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Irina |
24-12-2011
Thanks for stopping by. I like forums, but I often end up writing such long posts that I just decide to publish my thoughts here instead)))) But its great finding new friends on community sites, of course. |
someone
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03-03-2012
I guess the hostility is a natural reaction if someone questions your way of life and what you believe to be true, which is what people who are explicitly childfree do to the breeders. If you think that "of course everybody loves babies and wants to make more of them" then you have two choices, if you meet someone who doesn't agree: either HE is weird, or what you believed to be true actually false. And many people don't like to leave the comfort zone where they need not question their believes.
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Irina |
03-03-2012
either HE is weird, or what you believed to be true actually false Yes, true, and most people will conclude he is weird, but it does not necessarily entail the hostility. That conclusion already takes care of the necessity to re-examine own views on life, at least where the 'weirdos' are in minority. So here I think those who are happy with their choice to become parents forget about childfree and get back to their own lives, while those who subconciously feel they've made a mistake by having kids and would have actually loved to be among those 'weirdos' themselves become aggressive. |
Carly
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27-05-2014
Hey Irina!!!
I have just come across your blog theough your Youtube video on being childfree and I agree with the oints you stated above. Well, these past weeks this article by a conservative blogger Matt Walsh has been circulating around my Facebook wall since Mothers Day. http://themattwalshblog.com/2013/10/09/youre-a-stay-at-home-mom-what-do-you-do-all-day/ I was curious as to why it's so popular and why so many people I know that read it were so smitten by it so I checked it out. Then, I recently came back to your blog, especially about being childfree. Now I know this is mostly about stay at home mothers vs career mothers, but I couldn't help but draw parallels to your quote 'The botion that childbearing is the pinnacle of a womans existence.' Walsh thinks that we should worship mothers a goddesses and war heroes. LOL! What a load of crap! A woman should not be worshipped for having children. She made that choice to procreate and should not be praised to the skies for it. This mommy martyrdom shit is ridiculous. Also, he goes on to say that career women are slaves and that they are replaceable. Sure, there are maby women that hate their jobs and yes career women can be fired but that doesn't necessarily mean ALL women are miserable in their jobs and easily expendable. A lot of women like their jobs and a highly skilled woman cannot just be replaced and if she does, then it's hard to find someone just as good. Besides, parents can be slaves too. In a recent survey, parents were asked if they would have a do over and never have kids, many parents said that they would never have them. I guess this is why the childfree is so looked down upon. People like him think that if you're not a mother, you are replaceable and you are not nearly as important as someone with a child. It is very sad how he insinuates that a mother is the most important being on this planet and no one else really holds as much value. Another person, not Matt Walsh, also said that a mother is what makes life go on and continue a legacy. Yes, because Jane Austen never left anything behind. Because no one has ever heard of Katharine Hepburn. No one has ever studied anything that Copernicus has discovered? FUCK SOCIETY |
Irina |
28-05-2014
Hey Carly! So nothing new under the sun, eh? Everyone wants to feel important in whatever they do. A woman should not be worshipped for having children. She made that choice to procreate and should not be praised to the skies for it. This mommy martyrdom shit is ridiculous. I think so to. Unless a woman adopts, in which case she really helps someone in need. But the one who creates a new need, a new hungry mouth - better take good care of it, it's her and her man's obligation and it's just normal to care of the dependent little creature you yourself have created. Not a martyrdom, a duty. A lot of women like their jobs and a highly skilled woman cannot just be replaced and if she does, then it's hard to find someone just as good. Besides, parents can be slaves too. That's true. Not everybody is a burger-flipper as the post made it sound. And parents are in fact slaves, too, in so far as they acknowledge that they don't belong to themselves any more, they have obligations to their offsprings and have to put their needs oftentimes above their own. I think people shoud stop this sort of competition of what's the right way: working or staying at home. Everyone should choose what they feel more comfortable with and accept that others ay be different. But some people seem to feel they need to show how the other side is wrong in order to validate their own choice. I am stay-at-home childfree lol. Beat that! Ok, I actually work from home. |
And as a kinda religious person (I believe in god but not the fucking bible thumpers that corrupt the world) I hate how people try put religion to help change my mind. People are like the bible said to "be fruitful and multiply the earth". I just respond by saying that their is no legitimate proof that that is what god actually commanded us because after all it is a man made book. Another thing I say that it was written thousands of years ago and that 'rule' can't apply to today's society because we are overpoppulated and need a balance.
Ignorant people don't realize that it's MY ass not THEIR ass left with the responsibility and they should simply F off cuz it's not their life
PS well thought out video, I think that you sound a lot smarter than all of those 'breeders' and I also think that u look really pretty :]