Feminism I don't understand

First of all, let me just say that where I live feminism is not something you hear about often. It is not a subject brought up on popular TV shows or talked about between people.

We here are very surprised when we hear that somewhere in the other part of the civillized world men are afraid to offer women a helping hand because she might be a feminist and make a scandal over that small thing.

So it attracted my attention, especially since I've heard it is now becoming a cool thing to not shave armpits or legs.

Lol. Sorry, this is soo funny! I know many people hate the word 'lol', but this is one of the cases where I'm actually laughing quite loudly and the acronym is just perfect.

So... womens' people's appearance...

Obviously, I am not a feminist. I agree to the burden of regularly shaving my legs etc. I don't shave arms though, I'm too lazy and no one seems to care about those)))

I remember myself a little girl and even then I loved trying on new dresses and putting on my mom's make-up.

So even if this whole dressing up and using cosmetics is culturally imposed from the childhood, I've come to terms with it and began to enjoy this game early on. Noone is forcing me to do it, and on my lazy days I wear sneakers, loose trousers and minimum make-up. This is so not an issue. Life brings so much more serious challenges than whether to put on lipstick or not.

Not shaving? Well, perhaps thats a little tiring, but you gotta do what you gotta do)) After all, I like myself with less hair. Even when I stay home for a few days (happens in winter as I work from home and not always feel like going out) I sometimes prefer to shave anyway. Just feel more comfortable that way.

What is the problem with trying to look your best?

Some women seem to feel it is too much to ask from them. They are saying 'we want to be loved the way we are'.

But what is that precisely? What is looking exactly the way you are? Is it being naked? Are you only the way you are when you're wearing old loose jeans and a long clumsy shirt? Are you not the way you are when you are wearing a nice dress? How do you cease being 'the way you are' by putting on something that accentuates the best in you and why do you have to slip in something ugly to make a point that you have the right to be 'the way you are'?

Some things are natural but not too pleasant. So it is normal we fix them.

Also, I am amused by the statements like 'it is not fare, men do not have to wear cosmetics and women are expeced to'.

Well, first of all I think there are some women who look even better not wearing any make-up. I'll always envy them

But I don't think they make a big percentage. Most of us do look better with some cosmetics on.

Now, it is totally up to you whether you want to use make-up or not. But it is totally up to others whether to like you or not. You can't demand to be loved 'the way you are'. We all do something to be better than we are. If we weren't, we'd be wearing dirty clothes, stinking with sweat and never brush our hair. Men would be wearing beards - why shaving when you can just trim it every now and then?

Yes, we do not expect men to wear make-up, but we do expect them to go to gym and excercise. True, not everybody cares about that. But a good portion of women likes men who have strong muscles. This is also a stereotype, a role. Not every man is willing or able to adhere to these standards. So what? Should we keep lowering the passing grades because part of the class can not pass?

We're not perfect the way we are. And I think we should strive to look, feel and act our best, not our worst. I like taking care of myself and I appreciate when other people do the same. I am filled with joy when I see a woman who is nicely dressed, her hairdo suits her well, she smells great.

Would I rather see a spotty girl with crooked teeth wearing something that hangs like a sack? No. Such people radiate boredom and look as though they are unable to enjoy life.

Goes for men as well.

Those beer belly carriers, unshaven, unironed clothes, stinking like hobos... Such guys do not make you love them the way they are either.

There is a famous quote by the Russian playwright Anton Chekhov: "Everything should be beautiful in a person: face, clothing, soul, and thoughts".

Loving and accepting yourself the way you are is not in contradiction with taking some steps to look even better. Actually, it rather underlines that you do love yourself and you want others to see the best of how beautiful and charming you are. Women who do take care of themselves are appealing to men not only because they look more attractive, but because they radiate the energy of joy and harmony. They accept their femininity. They do not look gloomy and are not angry at the whole world for not liking them 'for their inner beauty'. Because they realize before someone can get interested in your inner world, they should at least not be put off by your fasad. If your house is ugly from the outside, but stunningly awesome inside, would you be mad at neighbours for not wanting to come in? Clean your doorstep for gods sake, then expect people to be interested in your interior design!))

Some thoughts on gentleman behavior

Some feminists talk about feeling offended by compliments or some simple gentleman stuff.

They sometimes maintain that compliments are 'reducing them to their appearance'.

Then if a man opens a door for them is somehow implying they can't do it by themselves? Lol!

Paying for dinner - a crime of disrespect?

The reasoning for rejecting such behavior is supposedly that a man who says this or does that might have some expectations or wrong impression. Like if a woman lets him pay for the dinner, the guy may think she agrees to sex, or if she is fine with him opening the doors for her means she does not mind to be lead and told what to do etc... Something like this I keep hearing from feminists.

That's just so silly!

I totally understand and support the demand of equal pay for men and women. This is a very serious practical issue.

I also would never tolerate men trying to force women to only be housewives again.

I love my freedom, support myself and let no man dictate me any rules.

But stressing over what do men think when they open the door for you or help you out of the car? Don't you have anything better to do than worry about his connotations of the events? Let him think whatever the hell he pleases, then talk and compare notes.

I don't see anything offensive in men acting ... like men :) ok, acting like gentlemen. And no, it does not mean that if I let him take the bill I'll agree to anything else. Ususally I offer to pay my part of it, especially when I'm certain nothing will hapen between us. But if the guy insists - fine by me. I won't feel indebted to him for that. For what? I'm able to feed myself just fine, its not a luxury for me to eat in a restaurant. If paying for a woman is a really big deal for a man, perhaps he should not be asking her out and go take care of his financial issues first

If a man leaves his smartphone on the table when going to the restroom, it does not mean you have the right to steel it and run away. Nor does going to a restaurant with a man means he can rape you for not paying your half of the bill. There is no justification for rape, period. Stop worrying about what man can take as 'suggestion to be raped'. Rapers rape, they will see a suggestion in anything, nothing you can do about that. Normal guys are not looking for excuses to force a woman into intercourse, they want to be desired by a woman.

So hearing a compliment about my appearance never insulted me, only when it was coming from drunk idiots with their arms stretching my way. Btw girls, I think you gotta love those high heels in these situations, they are quite painful on these dumb cavemen balls

Even if I am giving a speech or writing an article and get feedback regarding my looks I will not get infuriated or feel 'reduced to my appearance'.

After all, I know who I am and no one can 'reduce me' to anything.

When I talk people listen. Men listen. Even if I look hot in the same time and get praised for that. I simply thank for the compliment and the conversation continues.

For me, gentlemen qualities in men are valuable. Men who have self-respect do not think they deserve a medal of a hero for treating a woman with attentiveness and care. This is just normal. Its an old tradition which I actually like.

Men and women are equal, that's true. But they don't have to look and act identically. It is normal that we are different. Men objectively have stronger muscles, so let them carry your heavy bags! You will feel lighter and they will feel stronger - everybody wins!

In our culture (Slavonic), it is not normal if a men does not offer his seat to a woman in a public transport. I mean, it is more or less acceptable, but it is expected of men to be the last to occupy seats. First children and elderly, or disables people, then women, and if there are still some vacant places - men.

Although today, men feel quite comfortable sitting in front of old people standing. I am not sure I applaud such 'progress'. I guess you could say men are protesting the need to act as expected of, too)) Well... if they really hate it, we, of course, can not demand them to play a role they do not enjoy. But I can't help loving those who like treating women like ladies, not like fellows.

Women as sexual objects

Tell you a secret, men are sexual objects, too. Well, sexy men are

So I am a sexual object for men, so what? Why is that a bad thing?

Somehow, they say, being perceived as a potential sexual partner is offensive to women.

Um... I'd say it is more offensive and devastating when no one wants you.

This message implies that sex is something dirty and degrading and I just strongly disagree with that.

War is dirty and degrading, when you shred your fellow humans to pieces.

Giving someone an orgasm can not be a bad thing.

And it has nothing to do with womens intelligence. They sometimes demand that men should pay attention to brains first and sexuality second.

Here is what I think: if you are a woman and you can not get through to some men with your intelligent conversation, like if they keep looking at your breast all the time and say 'aha... right... you are hot' and nothing else,

try a) finding a different audience, b) wearing a less revealing shirt, c) working on your oratory skills

You know, sometimes it is the speaker's fault he is not being listened to. I remember almost falling asleep on some of the boring lectures in university. Maybe if the boring speech was being delivered by a handsome man I'd be starring at him instead))

Also, some girls were fantasizing about some male teachers. Even though they were interested in the subject itsef as well.

The world is sexual, we can't help it. Accept it and enjoy life.

Pornography and prostitution degrading women?

My eyebrowes raised when I first heard that. This is starting to sound as a religion.

No need to 'protect' the womenhood from some acts that particular women choose to do out of their own free will.

Particularly which women are being degraded when the porn is being made/watched? Every woman on our planet? How? By the simple fact that some other women decided to become porn stars?

Does gay porn degrade men? I don't see them worrying about that too much.

Why don't we stop creating problems where there aren't and concentrate on some real issues in our society, like child molesting priests etc.

Feminism that I can support is political feminism that guarantees equal rights for women. Freedom, independence, equal pay...

The rest of the things are for each of us to decide and take care on our own. Today it totally depends on every particular woman if she will gain respect of men that surround her or not. Just as it is with men. You get respect if you deserve it, if you have respect for yourself, if you demand it from others.

I can say this because I've always had male friends. Despite my looks I've been listened to and treated as equal.