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People often continue having or supporting having kids after something terrible has happened to one of their own offsprings. They return to their previous 'life is good' sooner or later. For them, admitting this world is a dangerous, brutal place where no one is safe, not even children, is too hard a decision, and how are they going to look their kids in the eyes, realizing they put them in harms way. Not a problem, because evolution has equipped us with the perfect skimming tool - our brain, with its repressing, rationalizing and denying capacities, with its optimism bias.
"Brain 'rejects negative thoughts'" one of BBC's articles was etitled [link]
Religion helps here a lot, too. Seems paradoxical at first sight that people who have experienced a dreadful tragedy suddenly become believers, or grow more religious. Why would you worship a god who just allowed your kids and spouse to suffer and die? But the majority of people find it consolling to view the tragedy as part of some mysterious divine plan, thats going to turn out good in the end, rather than accept the thought of their loved ones being but fallible earthly creatures that got hurt and died for no special reason, but because this is what happens to living beings on this planet as no one is overseeing it or cares about just another human animal becoming a food for worms.
Especially, when virtually everyone around is re-enforcing religious and quasi-religious outlook on life: "It all makes sense, don't think too much of what we can't know, trust in the wisdom of nature, of cosmos, keep doing what we've been doing for ages".
If one does not accept such soothing messages and rebels against the widely supported wonderful world delusion, not only will that person have to bear the grief of their personal tragedy, but also the pain of disillusionment, the terrifying collapse of their whole world-view, and everyone intuitively knows they won't find much support from others on this road. They are allowed to grieve over the loss of their loved ones, but never to attack life itself for what it has done to them. Life is something we're all stuck with, and thus, no one is allowed to portray it in bad light, because we have to learn to enjoy what we're stuck with. There is no other choice really, except learn to love the prison you're not going to get out of for a few decades. It wouldn't be such a prison if we didn't have fear of death wired into us, but it is, unfortunately.
The grieving person is faced with the choice: the bitter truth that leads to more pain and ostracizm, and sweet delusion in which everyone will support you.
And so the horrifying show goes on. Not many people have such intellectual integrity, such inner will to truth, that they choose to rebel and oppose the majority at the time of their personal tragedy. In most the will to survive overpowers the will to be true to oneself.
A committment to truth is thus a maladaptation. In order to celebrate life one has to learn to lie.
More posts from this category: Time...Decisions...CourageArtsybashev on Russian servility
Irina |
18-05-2012
Yes, but even though religions view life as a tough trial, most (all?) still celebrate procreation, because this trial is 'god's will'. So its not enough to recognize life as shit, if you're still going to say 'but the invisible man wants us to eat it, so we must'. In secular societies, where religious justifications for the continuation and enduring of misery are out of fashion, people invent new rationalizations for why show must go on. Downplaying the suffering and emphasizing that we've sent a cosmonaut to outer space. |
John
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18-05-2012
I was looking at people in the park today as I was walking back from my local cafe. I saw the preparations for the beginning of a wedding ceremony and two women sitting on a bench, talking about life and dating.
It all of a sudden became obvious to me with crystal clarity that these things that make people happy are not based on truth at all. No one wants to know the whole truth about anyone really. Before you date someone, when you are attracted, you don't want to hear all their problems, do you? What is at the center of these rituals is the fantasy that we will have an amazing supra-natural experience. That we will be the one to make it work and find a better life which other people failed to realize. The basis for this is selective truth speculation - which becomes a lie if you don't follow through on it, but if you do, it's great and everyone lauds you for it. I have become more convinced lately that the basis for happiness is selective delusion. The brain must filter out negative experiences to 'curate' (in today's lingo) an experience that is more positive than it truly is. By this, it creates a forward motive force that is the center of 'hope', the 'amazing human spirit', etc. I don't see it as anything amazing at all. It is the survival mechanism of a complex bacterium. I work on instruments for a living, and I realize that I seldom think a job will be full of problems or take me weeks to finish. I always find my brain visualizing the next job will be perfect and take only a few hours to fall into line. This is seldom true. The funny thing is, this makes me more enthusiastic about life and makes the jobs easier once I get to them, even if they never turn out like this. The danger is going from a positive bias into a completely delusional world where you forget the often alter agreements of reality. For those who have been hurt in life and have sat down with the strength to be honest.. they look around and see many others who are clearly delusional and feel very alone with their realizations and then even more depressed. They realize they must join the mass delusion or die, literally. Ostracizing eventually results in some form of death for us social animals. This is a sad thing for me to see because I witness those who live in different realities.. and it seems deeply cruel to me that those who can keep a form of delusion going can have a happy life with the masses on their side, while those who have seen and acknowledged more truth are often sad, with few people around them. Most 'healthy' people are just too weak and afraid (in my opinion) to be reminded of the darker realities these people see, and so they get left.. kicked out of the party. It seems survival in itself is the capability of the brain to remain happy and strong by patching over unpleasant experiences with various delusions. This is what the strong people, the winners do: lie to get by. I have great inner turmoil over this process.. isn't it an optimism? Aren't we engines of reality and by keeping the fire strong, we actually create a more optimistic future? Or is it just a lie? I have a problem when optimism turns into delusion (as in the coping mechanisms of religion and nationalism). |
Irina |
18-05-2012
This is a sad thing for me to see because I witness those who live in different realities.. and it seems deeply cruel to me that those who can keep a form of delusion going can have a happy life with the masses on their side, while those who have seen and acknowledged more truth are often sad, with few people around them. These were my thoughts when I was deciding whether to start writing (and talking) about the depressing realities of our existence. On one hand, I felt this could potentially put lots of people down, robbing them of their comforting delusions, but on the other hand, I thought, keeping silent about them would contribute to the alienation of those who have already realized the brutal nature of life. Should I value the well-being of those who choose to live a lie just because there are more of them? What about people like myself? Are we less important because we can't keep lying to ourselves and thus unworthy of support and understanding? Because it means a lot when you can read somebody's blog and realize you're not alone in how you see the world, that there are others going through similar things. They realize they must join the mass delusion or die, literally. Ostracizing eventually results in some form of death for us social animals. Precisely. We as social beings have another kind of death - a symbolic one, social death. Perhaps thats one of the reasons self-esteem is so important. And it largely depends on the evaluation of others.
Yes, and no. "Although the optimism bias occurs for both positive events, such as believing oneself to be more financially successful than others and negative events, such as being less likely to have a drinking problem, there is more research and evidence suggesting that the bias is stronger for negative events. However, different consequences result from these two types of events: positive events often lead to feelings of well being and self-esteem, while negative events lead to consequences involving more risk, such as engaging in risky behaviors and not taking precautionary measures for safety." [wiki link] I remember seeing a lecture, I think it was on TED. They said optimism bias was probably to blame for the financial crisis. People keep taking way too many risky decisions until the whole thing collapses.
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Neil
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19-05-2012
Irina,
I'm glad you decided to write about the grim realities of life, since some of us who think as you do need some sort of fellowship with others who see things this way, especially since we cannot reveal our thoughts even to those we love, without soft-peddling them. Please keep it up! |
Irina |
19-05-2012
That's encouraging. Thanks)) In fact, I also do not talk about the grim stuff with people in real life too often either. |
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22-05-2012
Have you read Celia Green's "The Human Evasion"? It's online at http://deoxy.org/evasion/toc.htm
She is a brave soul who is willing to visit some of the darker places of human consciousness. |
Nevar
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25-05-2012
Hi, I've recently discovered your blog and videos. Very interesting thoughts .
I have just finished reading a book entitled 'Better Never to Have Been: The Harm of Coming into Existence' by David Benatar. I find his arguments very concise and logical. From the way you talk and think, I thought you might enjoy it. I have a pdf if you struggle to find it. Anyway, I will keep an eye on your posts and try to be more constructive with my comments next time rather than just dropping stuff in your lap to read |
Irina |
25-05-2012
Thanks, Nevar. Its a good book, I have it. I mentioned it in my first post on antinatalism. Wil be good to see you back with more comments. |
Nevar
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25-05-2012
Ah. Once again I learn that I should explore, before I assume. I will read that post and others you have on the topic before I embarrass myself again.
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Irina |
25-05-2012
Nothing embarrassing, you're not obliged to read my whole blog before commenting on one post :) But it would be nice to have yoiur thoughts on my writings as well. |
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27-05-2012
Verily I am struggling about the issue of whether optimism is hardwired.
The evidence against: it seems that maintaining optimism is admitted by many people to be delusional in nature. People even go to the insane extent of accepting (optimistic) delusions as a good thing (see http://francoistremblay.wordpress.com/2011/11/23/achieve-happiness-by-lying-to-yourself/ ) The evidence for: This study that you linked to, as well as the fact that depression is an exception, not the rule. A possible solution is that, as the study says, about 80% of people are optimists, and the resulting 20% struggle to be "normal"... resulting in the delusions, depressions, etc. |
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30-05-2012
So what do you think, any ideas?
BTW, I don't know how you keep writing all these entries. I've written about all the main arguments, and now I really have no ideas. The other antinatalist blogs seem to have considerably slowed down too. I will try to get some inspiration from you. |
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30-05-2012
Oh by the way... hope you don't think I'm commenting too much right now. LOL! But I just remembered I wanted to give you this link:
http://gizmodo.com/5726667/the-agonizing-last-words-of-bill-zeller I don't know if I'm gonna write about it or not, but feel free to do so if you want... |
Irina |
30-05-2012
Thanks, a powerful message in that link. Not to religious nuts, though, if you check the comments underneath. I have a few ideas on the future posts. And a limited amount of time to spend on this blog. So I don't know if I will write about it. Mayhaps)) I loved your post on 'Life Lie'. And thew illustration on top that says it all))) Good question. Whether optimism is ingrained, or culturally cultivated. Because we're born ito the culture that influences us from the very first day and nowhere is it trying to present how things are in fact, its all about trying to teach a kid to emphasize on the pleasant side of things and distort the reality. So us growing up with an optimism bias can be the consequence of either or both of these factors. I don't think you're commenting too much. You're staying on the subjects, thats important. |
It's in secular, liberal societies where individual hedonism is the order of the day that 'the show must go on' becomes the unquestionable rallying-cry. 'Humanity is worth it', 'We're making progress', 'Life is a journey','It's all good'. These are the rallying cries of today's mob.